One of my oldest memories as a child was when I took baths with my Grandmother. She had one of those big, cast-iron tubs with metal feet-the kind of tub that feels like a swimming pool to a 3 year old. She’s let me swim around until I got all wrinkly and would heat up the water every so often to extend our time together. And she would tell me stories and tell me about her hopes and dreams for me-the places I’d visit, the beautiful places I’d live.
For her, a women who raised 5 kids single-handedly (yet managed to produce my great dad and an uncle who is a pioneer in radiation oncology), I was the hope. A young, beaming beacon of hope who would do all the things a poor single mother never could. And, throughout my life, she was always confident in my potential, no matter how bad I might have messed up to convince her otherwise.
Isn’t it ironic that, lately, I’ve felt alot of negative energy coming at me and I keep running into claw tubs…..
In the city, a large bathroom is a luxury and to even have a bathtub is amazing. Yet, at two separate parties this past week, celebrating wonderful events-the host’s home had a claw tub. Big, beautiful tubs with deep bottoms and claw feet.
And, each time I’ve seen it, I tell the host about my grandmother and my love for those huge, formidable tubs.
So, in my amazing yoga practice this morning, with my teacher playing Anthony Hamilton gospel-it came to me.
Maybe I needed reminding….maybe I needed to remember the time when I was young and innocent and pure potential.
And, maybe if I could act like that person my Grandmother thought I was, maybe if I can forget all of the mistakes, the failures, the inevitable slip-ups-I could come a little closer to being the amazing person she saw in me. Because of her, I learned to believe in myself and to emulate people who I admire.
And, luckily I have a yoga instructor who reminds us that ALL of us are made of the same matter-that Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and the Dalai Lama are all made of nothing more than we all are . The only difference is choice. My teacher always says “If you’re not a reasonable person, imitate someone who is and see what happens”
So, I decided that instead of believing the hype, getting sucked into negativity-I’ll divert my energy elsewhere, into trying to be a better person.
I’ll try and see what happens if I fearlessly live up to the standards and hopes of am amazing lady who raised 5 kids and inspired her grandchildren and who saw the beauty in a girl who likes to take baths until she gets wrinkly. It would be a disservice not to.
Autumn is a single city girl- trying to act like a lady, inspired yogini, proud Burner, tries to be the best sister, honors her Pittsburgh culture, and is holding on to remaining a San Franciscan!!!
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